You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
