2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
