Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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