Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
