I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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