Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
