I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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