I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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