so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
