Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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