What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
