He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
