Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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