Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
