I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Randomize