matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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