I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
