I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
