Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
