they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize