Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
