I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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