he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
