i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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