Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
