eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
