I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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