i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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