I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The struggles of a small town man whore
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
