Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
