in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
