bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
