oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize