do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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