I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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