I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
