I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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