Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
