??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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