I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
