So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
