How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
