I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
