It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
