? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
