Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
