im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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