Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
