tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
