And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
