just come out here and I will go home with you...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
