and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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