don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
