she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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