omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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