Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
