I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
