This is not my ceiling
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
