Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
