The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
