Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
