Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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