accomplished twins. life is a go
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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