I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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