Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
