please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
