guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
