We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
