I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
