just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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