You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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