ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
