Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
